A woman is being supported for not letting her boyfriend hand out full-size candy bars to trick-or-treaters on Halloween.
The woman, u/Trickortreat_ta, shared her side of the story to the popular Reddit forum, r/AmITheA******, earning 12,000 upvotes and 3,700 comments in two days for her post, “AITA for choosing my budget over my boyfriend this Halloween?”
The original poster (OP) says she recently moved her 29-year-old boyfriend into the house she owns. Thanks to some early arguments over money, she says they agreed to keep to a household budget, He also said he’d work to pay down his own credit card debt—meaning that in the couple, she has more disposable income.
When he moved in, he also mentioned that he always wanted to live in one of the houses that goes all-out for Halloween, with loads of decorations and handing out full-size candy bars instead of the smaller versions normally given to trick-or-treaters. Unfortunately, the OP didn’t realize how important this was to her boyfriend, saying she “took this as a comment and not a plan.”
“When the end of September came, we went to the halloween store, and he was under the impression we had savings for this. I didn’t know. We go over the monthly budget together, and it was never listed. When he found out that there was no halloween savings, we had an argument,” she wrote. “Afterwards I talked to friends who all said he had talked about trick or treat extensively and how much it meant. I chalked this one up to a misunderstanding on my part. So I came up with $500 my money, and went to him with an apology.”
With the $500, he decided to get a large animatronic clown, opting for one big piece instead of several smaller pieces. However, when he asked OP to buy another large, expensive piece, she refused, upsetting him. When she suggested homemade decorations or spider webs to help make the house look properly spooky, he declined, telling her the decorations would “look cheap.”
When it came time to purchase the candy, another argument ensued. While he wanted to buy the full-size candy bars, she said they couldn’t afford it.
“We easily get over 250 trick or treaters and I said we just don’t have that much money. So we got the bulk bags of good small bars,” she wrote, adding that she also got small coloring books for kids who didn’t want or couldn’t have candy.
When Halloween rolled around, he started handing out handfuls of candy to the first trick-or-treaters. OP reminded him that they needed to make the candy last, as they were expecting a lot of kids, which she says “really annoyed” him. She left him alone for 10 minutes to deal with the pizza she’d ordered for their dinner—and when she came back, the candy—about 20 pounds’ worth—was gone.
“He had been dumping a third of a bowl in each kids bag and had given out all the coloring books to whatever kids came along,” she wrote.
When she saw the candy was all gone, her boyfriend told her that she’d just need to run out and buy more on her credit card. She refused, saying it wasn’t her fault he gave away all the candy.
“He started yelling right there in front of the kids, and I told him to come inside. He responded that he wasn’t stopping trick or treating even if there was no candy. I told him to have fun with the clown, and went inside,” she wrote. “He came in 15 minutes later. Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head. He argued it was fair because I had already eaten and it was my fault that trick or treat was ruined bc I’m cheap. I handed the rest of the pizza at him and refused.”
After their argument, she said he spent the night at a friend’s house, “drinking, handing out trick or treat candy and texting me how awful and cheap I am.”
A man was criticized online for expecting his girlfriend to pay for making her home into a Halloween destination and giving out full-size candy bars to trick-or-treaters.
While many people will list Halloween as their favorite holiday—dressing up in wild costumes, watching horror movie marathons and distributing treats to kids—this Halloween was likely not the best one the OP ever had. And though we can have dreams of being the house in the neighborhood that kids talk about for the rest of their lives, there are real world things that need to happen for those dreams to become reality.
Martha Teater, LMFT told Newsweek that though the OP’s boyfriend was clear about how important the holiday was for him, he could have used a bit more strategizing.
“He wasn’t as clear about the specifics of what, exactly, he was picturing—and who would pay for it,” she said.
While normally compromise might be a solution, Teater said that OP’s boyfriend needed to actually talk about things, rather than just assuming it was going to happen.
“Compromise is a great idea, but this wasn’t discussed enough for them to agree on how to reach a middle ground. It’s not clear why he would expect her to fund his dream Halloween. Had they discussed a budget for this event? Why did she feel obligated to spend $500 on this ‘as an apology’?” she told Newsweek.
However, the biggest problem in the couple seems to be that while the OP knows how to properly budget, her boyfriend does not. Kevin Mimms, LMFT told Newsweek that when one part of a couple wants to make extravagant purchases, it’s good for the other partner to think about what they want to accomplish.
“In this case, the big expense of one Halloween decoration would be more impressive if surrounded by other similarly expensive decorations. There wasn’t enough money to spend on that without going into debt, but the idea behind expense could be realized after further investment over years of planning and sacrifice,” Mimms suggested. “The tantrum-throwing was a reaction to the disappointment, not because they can’t handle life without doing this. They have so far, haven’t they?”
Teater was more pessimistic about the couple’s long-term success.
“It sounds like there are other areas of concern for this couple. The girlfriend may be over-responsible financially. She owns the house, she gave him $500 as an apology, she wouldn’t ‘let him’ buy another expensive piece. For his part, the boyfriend is living in her house, and was upset with her choice on how to spend her own money, and he wanted more money for another expensive piece,” Teater told Newsweek.
“It sounds like he intentionally over-distributed the candy, then told her to go out and buy more candy. When she refused, he threw a tantrum, asked her to leave her own home, and when she wouldn’t, he went and got drunk and sulked with a friend. There are a lot of warning signs for this couple. They’ve got issues in many more areas than Halloween spending,” she added.
Redditors were similarly not on the OP’s boyfriend’s side.
“OP is [Not the A******] but surely is an ATM,” u/Pretzelicious wrote. “At this point him getting angry all the time to get you to pay for stuff is MANIPULATION. Why did you even let him move in…DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK IN.”
“In addition the fully tricked out houses aren’t the result of shopping one September and buying thousands of dollars of decorations. They are a slow accumulation of trinkets over many years. This isn’t just about Halloween decorations but all of the outside and the inside accessories. These expenses will accumulate into the 10s of thousands over the years. This in itself is evidence that [her boyfriend] is living in a fantasy world as far as financial responsibility is concerned. Although, compared to all the other very clear signs this is a small issue,” u/gogogadgetrage wrote.
“Yeah, when he was shocked there was no Halloween savings- what had he planned to contribute?” u/Fianna9 wrote. “At best this man is financially illiterate and expecting his gf to cover his shortfalls. A worst he forgot to tell Op she was a sugar mama.”
“If he helped out around the house, he’d notice the distinct lack of a Halloween stash,” u/Renzieface wrote.
“[Not the A******] and you need to run from this man. Making fun of how ‘cheap’ you are when he is living in your house that you own?? Absolutely not. Tell him HE can [get the f*** out], who is he to tell you to leave your own home? I’m livid for you girl. You need a man not this child,” u/Ok_Ad5315 wrote.
Newsweek reached out to u/Trickortreat_ta for comment. We could not verify the details of this case.
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